Yes, your honor, I called Franzbrötchen disfigured Cinnamon Rolls
Your honor, the allegations are true. I called the pastry known as Franzbrötchen and beloved and cherished by people mainly in the northern federal states of Germany disfigured Cinnamon Rolls.
Yes, your honor, I did this even though I fully knew that cinnamon rolls are made with yeast, while Franzbrötchen utilize puff pastry as dough, leading to superior texture and thus mouthfeel. I was also fully aware that while Cinnamon Rolls are filled with some basic cinnamon filling, Franzbrötchen are filled with a superior filling made out of a variety of ingredients that were perfected over centuries by our ancestors. Lastly, I made the aforementioned comparison between Franzbrötchen and cinnamon rolls, even though I was aware that the superior shape of the Franzbrötchen gives you a light but fulfilling snack, while the inferior shape of the cinnamon rolls leads to a mouthful doughy disaster.
Your honor, you might be correct in your assessment that some personal shortcomings have contributed to me making these hateful statements towards a staple in the North German snack landscape. Truth be told, while everyone and their mom is raving about Franzbrötchens, I was never able to acquire one that fulfilled all the promises made by the Franzbrötchen lovers in Hamburg and Schleswig-Holstein, respectively. It might have been shame in my inability to find a truly good Franzbrötchen that led me to making the comparison, maybe even a feeling of inferiority towards the Hanseatic natives of this city, who so easily can find the right Franzbrötchen for every occasion. I understand now that in my emotional turmoil I might have overreacted in my assessment of Franzbrötchen.
I rest my case.